Opinion: I’m Bald. Get Over It.


I’m so bald that I have more hair on my knees than I have on the top of my head. And you know what else, I don’t care. Not a bit. Last week in class, the professor asked how many of us identify with one another by the color of our hair. In a moment of levity, I raised my hand.

For a second or two, the others in the class looked at me like they weren’t sure whether I was telling a joke and should laugh, or whether I had picked an unfortunate time in the discussion to raise my hand. The smile on my face gave it away. It was okay. I was being self-deprecating and giving everyone in the class permission to laugh. And they did. So did I.

I have shaved my head since my thinning hairline became too difficult to hide. I had two options. I could simply pretend I wasn’t losing my hair, eventually, deal with a growing bald spot on my scalp, and eventually have one of those noticeable, annoying, ugly comb-overs. I mean, really. Who do they think they’re fooling? Hell, Stevie Wonder would even know.

After a couple years of a growing receding hairline, I decided to pull the plug. No, not hair plugs of the Biden variety. I just simply grabbed a Bic razor and shaved my head. No fuss. No muss. And I’ve never looked back. I always thought I looked pretty good, and never thought any more about it.

Occasionally over the years, a couple people have tried to get under my skin by calling me “bald.” How that is an insult, I’ll never know. Have they seen my head? There’s not a hair on it. Calling me bald is like calling Ryan Gosling a badass. He just is. Just like my baldness. So try as they might insult me, bald jokes never annoyed me. Bald is beautiful. And they’re just jealous of my shiny dome!

Every now and then, I’ll have a friend who’s losing his hair, but not quite ready to confront it, if you’ll pardon the expression, head on. I always want to ask them why they’re embarrassed?

Baldness is something that must be embraced. And it’s not like you can hide it, even if you wanted to. Unless you’re going to get a rug. But toupees are almost as ugly as the comb-over. No, you have to accept and learn to love your lack of hair. A bald head is like telling the world, “Hey, I’m bald. And if you don’t like it, too damn bad!”

Some people act like they’re too vain to get bald. Hell, it’s in the genes, vanity or no vanity. You don’t really get a vote in the matter unless you’re still growing hair, but decided to shave it off anyway. That’s acceptable, too because it is a damn fine look. There’s not a reason in the world to be ashamed of losing one’s hair.

So yeah, I’m bald. Get over it.

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